Have you ever heard that expression, “poop, or get off the pot?”

Well…I’m pooping.

It’s been months and months since I’ve written anything of substance on this blog.  Actually…you’ll be hard pressed to find anything of substance on this blog, period.  However, I am back…and hopefully out of my no-blogging slump.  Hopefully.

Part of the problem has been major busyness.  It seems like I made it through a ridiculously busy summer just to dive into a ridiculously busy fall.  Most of the busy has been fun busy…camp Side by Side, moving to a new place, visitors, weekend getaways, sailing trips, celebrations, family, friends, adventures in the ‘couve…but all this excitement has definitely taken me away from the blog.  Not to worry, nosy ones!  For those of you who are interested (mom and Mandy), it’s all been well-documented, and can be enjoyed by visiting my flickr site here.  Would you like a preview?

Apparently, when I’m in the dunk tank dressed like Robin Hood, I just can’t help but praise.

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Fun friends in August!  This is one of about 30 pictures we took using John’s rapid-fire, self-timed picture mode.  Five pictures in five seconds!  Hours of fun!

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Sailing through the Gulf Islands with the LaDue’s over Labor Day weekend…beautiful!

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Gulf Island nature!

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Best meal.  Ever.  Fresh crab, caught by yours truly.  Unbelievable…but true.

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Visiting our sweet niece in Colorado in September.

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Hiking in September in North Vancouver with our dear friends, Dan and Krista.  Internet, meet our tonsils.  Way to keep it classy, Lisa.

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Amazing sunset on Whidbey Island in October during a much-needed getaway.  Sublime.

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See?  I’m telling you.  Fun.  And busy.

The other part of the problem is that, when we’re not galavanting around town, my life becomes frighteningly, mind-numbingly boring.  Seriously.  I wake up, go to class, study in the library, study at home, watch a few shows (Modern Family…best new comedy on TV, by the way), eat, and sleep.  If I’m at school for lunch, I pack PB&J, an apple, and some yogurt.  If I’m at home, I make a fruit smoothie with peanut butter toast.  It doesn’t change.  I memorize Hebrew vocabulary flash cards…I spend hours trying to summarize various biblical scholars…I read, and read, and read.  Rinse and repeat.  It’s very difficult to find anything internet-worthy within this routine.

So…that’s why I haven’t been around here in a while.  Don’t get me wrong.  Life is good…school is good…I really do love the things I’m learning…and, like I said, here’s to a new beginning.  I will do my best to (A) extract some funnies out of this whole seminary business, and (B) force myself to sit down and write about them on this here blog.

I do solemnly swear.

Thanks you Jesus, amen.

I know…I know…it’s been, like, six weeks.  Sorry.  There is more to come soon…but for now, just a quick story.

I had the great privilege last weekend of participating in the wedding of some great friends, Drew Kreeger and Carolyn Nason.  I recruited Drew to SPU back in the day, and he was in a small group I led for a few years while he was a student.  He’s become a great friend.  Carolyn, his lovely wife, is a gem as well.  Their wedding was in Estes Park, Colorado, and they asked me to read a passage from 1 John.

Of course, I was nervous.  Which is kind of crazy, because I’ve spoken in front of lots of people lots of times.  But still, I felt insecure.  I think it’s the whole seminary thing.  I imagine that people have this really high expectation that I should emanate holiness and spiritual luminosity just because I’m studying theology.  It’s not at all true, of course, but that’s what’s in my head.  So, as I was reading over the passage before the wedding, I started wondering if I should say “This is the Word of the Lord” at the end.  The Presbyterians (my peeps) do this, on occasion, and everyone in the church will respond by saying “Thanks be to God.”  I like it…it’s one of those liturgical things that makes scripture feel really important and worthy of respect.  But then, I wondered if that would seem pretentious.  I mean, it’s not like I’m a priest or a pastor…I’m just some guy in theology school.  And you know what they say: an ounce of pretense is worth a pound of manure.  So, I was undecided.  Should I go for the hoity-toity church talk and risk sounding ostentatious?  Or should I just keep it simple, read the passage, and eat some wedding cake?

The scripture reading came right at the beginning of the ceremony.  I walked to the microphone, opened my Bible, and started reading, still undecided about how I’d wrap things up.  Mid-way through the passage, I was feeling good…feeling calm…and I told myself “Yes…you should go for it.  You are a scripture-reading genius, and you should end with a bang.”

So I finished reading the passage, and then I said it.

“This is the Word of The God.”

The Word of The God?  What is “The God”!?

Immediately after it escaped my lips, I realized I had blundered.  What was worse was that I heard a few people in the crowd trying to figure out how to respond.  ”Thanks be to…the…God?”  It was disaster.

So, if The Drew and The Carolyn happen to be reading this as they lounge on a beach somewhere in The Greece, please accept my apology for being The Loser and messing up my one simple assignment.  Luckily, your big day was exquisite, nonetheless.

If you don’t live in the area, you might not have heard…but Vancouver has been HOT.  Like, sweaty-back, don’t-even-think-about-turning-that-fan-away-from-my-face hot.  I can hardly complain, because “hot” in the Pacific Northwest (Canadian Southwest?) is still a nice, mild 80-ish degrees.  And on the news, they go on and on about “temperatures in the high 20’s”…which still messes with my head sometimes…but it somehow seems so much more palatable than 87.

In honor of the heat, and trying to make the most of our last few weeks in our current apartment, we’ve been taking full advantage of our little patio.  Even though I had to study for most of the day today, at least I got to sit in the sun and read about Benedictine Monasticism.  And so what if one side of my forehead is now SIGNIFICANTLY more sun-tanned than the other?

<Insert tacky and inappropriate Michael Jackson Black-or-White joke here.>

We’ve also been eating most of our dinners on the patio, enjoying some phenomenal sunsets and delicious summertime food.  This evening’s dinner was homemade shrimp ceviche and cantaloupe mint salad from the Dona Tomas cookbook (thanks, Flory’s!).  So good.

And last night, Lisa and I learned more about how some of our neighbors are handling the heat.  A lot more.  We sat on the patio, enjoying our dinner and chatting about the view and minding our own business.  There are a handful of other apartment buildings close to ours, and we often talk about the people we see and the apartments where they live…wondering who they are and what they’re all about.  It’s so strange that we can all live so very close to one another, and know practically nothing about each other.  Well, as we pondered the residents of “Big Blue” (the enormous, 20-story apartment directly across the alley, so-called because of the royal blue tiles that cover the exterior), we saw something quite odd and alarming.  There was a man, standing on his balcony, cooking himself dinner on his grill ABSOLUTELY NAKED.

<Insert tacky and inappropriate hot dog joke here.>

We were floored.  I mean, there are literally DOZENS of other apartments whose residents would have a DIRECT view of this man’s birthday suit if they were paying attention at the right (wrong?) moment.  But there he was, grilling away.  He stepped inside after a few seconds, and we thought surely he was just in a rush…perhaps had just jumped out of the shower and realized he needed to flip his steaks or something?  Certainly this could not be his normal warm-weather grilling behavior.  But then, HE CAME BACK!  Still naked.

Who does that?

I couldn’t believe how bizarre and unbelievable and priceless the moment was, so I ran and got the camera in order to verify that yes, this did happen.

I love the innocent couple, enjoying a glass of wine on their patio, completely oblivious to the lewdness taking place only feet (meters?) away from them.

Zoom in for a close-up?  OK.

Obviously, now that we know about our nudist neighbors, it’s hard to look at anything else when we sit on the patio or look out the window.  In fact, today as I was reading, I looked over and saw the GIRL out on the patio.  And she was vacuuming.  NAKED!

Who are these people?  And why hasn’t anyone told them about the concept of OTHER PEOPLE?

I mean, it’s hot.  But not that hot.

Realizing this poor old blog has been quite neglected in recent months, I was perusing some of my “stats” about the activity it’s seen recently.  First of all, I thought it would be time, once again, to share some of the Google searches that have brought random viewers to this very website:

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“Tips for male model poses”

You’ve come to the right place!  Have a seat, because I have got some MAJOR wisdom to pass along…

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“British use of fanny”

I would imagine it’s use is somewhat universal?

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“uni janae staples”

Any wisdom on this one, Janae?

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“why is camping intense?”

Obviously, someone didn’t get the joke…

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“Something really fascinating”

I apologize…I’m certain you were unimpressed.  I try to keep all my content in the “mildly fascinating” arena.

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Also, I realized that this post…the one you’re reading right now…is my 100th post!  I’ve been keeping this blog for about 18 months…so, now you know that I am an erratic blogger, at best…but still, shouldn’t I get a cake and some balloons or something?

The disappointment I feel in the anti-climatic nature of writing this, my 100th blog post, is only matched by the GRAVE disappointment I experienced when I realized that I missed a SIGNIFICANT milestone in the history of the world today.  Are you aware of the significant moment that took place today, coming and going in the blink of an eye?  This afternoon, the clock struck 12:34:56 on 7/8/09.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9.

And I totally missed it!  Yeesh.  The good news is, we’ll have another chance to celebrate a moment like this in July of 2090.  We should start planning soon.

Isn’t summer supposed to be the season when you just relax, sipping on cold drinks while lounging in the sun, listening to Paolo Nutini?  Apparently not.  Between the coursework from the two-week intensive I took in June, the two other intensive classes I’m working on this month, the two jobs I have at Regent, and the random weekend trips here and there, this summer has been jam-packed FULL.  Oh…and did I mention our garden?  That usually sucks up AT LEAST a few minutes per day.  Exhausting, I tell you.

I am proud to report, however, that we did carve out some time for a special visit south of the border in order to celebrate the 4th of July.  you can take our money with your expensive wine and cheese, Canada, but you’ll never take OUR FREEDOM!

We drove down Saturday morning with a few good friends from Regent for a day of sailing, eating, drinking, laughing, chatting, and relaxing.  We finished the day enjoying the Anacortes fireworks display over the Cap Sante Marina.

Dan and Krista…great friends, lots of laughs.

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Debs…the lovely Brit, fantastic accent, wonderful heart.

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Captain John and Lisa…perfectly relaxing.

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The ladies…

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SAILORS!

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John, with the big finish to “God Bless America”

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The crew.

Glorious.

In other news, because we weren’t sure if July would be frenzied enough, we decided to move to a new apartment!  BECAUSE WE’RE CRAZY!  When we first moved here last summer, we spent two weekends in a row looking for a place to call home.  All we found was one dumpy crap-hole after another.  Finally, we found a lovely apartment that we got really excited about, but we knew we’d be paying more than we’d hoped.  Knowing that our one-year lease was coming to a close, we decided to check craigslist to see if we could find something new that might save us a few dollars.  And we wanted it to be bigger.  And we wanted our own washer and dryer.  And dishwasher.  And storage.  And free parking.  And a location that was closer to school.

With our long list of must-haves in hand, we un-optimistically searched for a few days.  As usual, most of the listings were crap.  The listing for a “cabin-style suite” meant unfinished plywood walls, and the “cozy apartment on the garden level of a character house” meant a 235-square-foot dungeon in the dark, dank basement of a house that might collapse if the neighbors sneeze.  However, the first place that we actually went to view turned out to be exactly what we were looking for.  It’s an apartment in the lower level of a huge and gorgeous house in the Dunbar neighborhood, only moments from campus and directly across the street from a beautiful state park with dozens of hiking trails.  We got a dishwasher, our own washer and dryer, free parking, a few options for storage, a bit more square footage, and a lower price that includes EVERYTHING (even cable and internet!).  It was our very own Christmas Miracle…right in the middle of summer.

After sealing the deal, we called our current landlady–who we love–and told her we’d be moving out on July 31.  She said she’d be sad to see us go, and that she’d give us a call to let us know when she’d come by to show the apartment to new tenants.  She started this past weekend, and when we arrived back from Anacortes we received a message that she’d found someone who was interested.  ”That was easy,” we thought.  But we were wrong.  Oh so very wrong.

Usually, Lisa and I take great care to keep our apartment looking neat and tidy.  This may come as a total surprise to my mother, who gave up on the idea that I would ever have a clean room about 23 years ago, but it’s true.  Particularly when we have guests.  Before we left for the weekend, for example, we cleaned the place up quite nicely, anticipating the handful of strangers who would be viewing our home and making snap-judgements about our personalities and lifestyle that, for some reason, felt terribly important.  When our landlady called on Sunday to let us know she’d rented our suite, we beamed with pride when she complimented our lovely decor.

This morning, however, Lisa and I left the apartment in a somewhat chaotic state.  Typically, the bed is made and the dishes are done and things are generally put away before we go.  Today, however, we were in a bit of a rush after a weekend away, and we left hurriedly without tidying up.  After all, the apartment had been leased…

On the bus ride home, I noticed I had missed a call on my cell phone.  As I listened, Lisa noticed my jaw drop and my eyes widen.  ”What?” she asked.  ”What’s wrong?”

“JoAnn called.  The first deal fell through.  She was calling to say that she showed our apartment today.”

In the elevator on the way to our floor, we tried to remember the state of our apartment when we left it.  We opened the door to find things in an unfortunate state.  The bed was a mess of sheets and comforters, strewn about the room like a tornado had torn through.  Yesterdays outfits were crumpled on the floor.  The camera, which had not yet been put back in it’s proper home, was left instead on my night stand, suggesting some kind of devious and kinky nighttime behavior.  And the worst part of all…the backpack we’d taken on our trip sat in the middle of our living room floor, a single pair of my boxers hanging out of the front zipper pocket, like an animal trying to escape it’s cave.  I can only imagine the faces of our visitors as they were greeted by my underpants when they entered their potential new home.

I’m not sure why it’s so important for us to have a clean and tidy apartment.  Perhaps it’s our pride.  We like to think of it as good hospitality.  Nonetheless, today we were forced to relinquish that control, and allowed complete strangers to glimpse behind the veil of our messy private lives.  And let me tell you, it felt good.

Bottom line: I’m hoping to incorporate dirty underpants as a central feature of our new home decor scheme.  Pictures to come.

When I was a kid, my parents had a little garden in our back yard.  I remember them planting strawberries and tomatoes and lettuces and even a few pumpkins…which is kind of weird, now that I think about it.  I mean, what do you do with pumpkins?  And who thought to call them pumpkins, anyway?  Pumpkin.  Pump-kin.  

So strange.

Anyway, at the time, I really wasn’t one for vegetables.  I favored sugar cereal.  Or Tangy Taffy.  But I remember loving the idea of a garden.  It was so magical to me that we could actually grow something from nothing…and then eat it!  Just like the REAL stuff we buy from the store!  Plus, my sister and I got really excited one day about plating a time capsule in the garden, so that people 200 years from then could know how profoundly interesting and intelligent we were.  I’m pretty sure there was a mix-tape involved.  And some posters from Tiger Beat magazine.  A few months passed, and we dug it right back up…we just couldn’t help ourselves.  All in all, the garden was an exciting place to be.

So a few weeks back, we decided…let’s be gardeners.

We figured, we’ve got this nice patio that gets lots of sunlight all day long, and the weather here has been SO nice and warm.  Plus, we love good vegetables and use fresh herbs all the time, so…why wouldn’t we become gardeners?

So one Saturday, after a quick trip to Canadian Tire (which, contrary to American assumption, sells WAY more than tires…it’s essentially a wannabe Fred Meyer), we became the proud owners of a glorious, top-rate garden (read: four small pots on our tiny patio).  

We’ve planted three varieties of tomato, and a small assortment of herbs, including dill, mint, and basil.  So far, we’ve already been able to clip some of the herbs and use them in the kitchen.  

Now…for most people who have, you know, a YARD with lots of room for various kinds of veggies–and who don’t have to start from scratch and purchase the pots, soil, gardening tools, and baby plants–gardening is probably a great way to save money on expensive fresh produce…especially if you consider the cost of organic groceries.  However, seeing as we started from NOTHING…and that we’re only growing a few items…AND that we were recently told that most people in the Northwest shy away from growing tomatoes because it typically doesn’t get hot enough up here for them to grow successfully…well, we’re not sure if we can even hope to break even, in terms of cost.

Still, it’s been fun.  We spend hours and hours gardening (read: approximately 90 seconds per day watering our four pots), and all that hard work has been good for our souls.

And now, I invite you to behold our beacon of hope for the future of our garden.  We are proud to introduce you to this, our very first tomato:

It’s the size of a dime.  

But we feel confident.  After all, we’ve got Global Warming on our side.  Bring on the sunshine, and happy gardening!

All of the windows in our apartment are opened, and we haven’t closed them in days.

We’ve eaten dinner on our patio the past two evenings, watching the sun set while we dined.

My springtime allergies are finally subsiding.

There’s nothing good on TV, so I’m half-watching Heidi and Spencer cavorting around in the jungle on the latest mind-numbing, embarrassingly addictive Reality TV nightmare, I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

The weather has been in the mid-20’s for over a week (which, for those of you who aren’t using the old Celsius scale, that means it’s been HOT!).

And yesterday, we turned the calendar to JUNE.  

Do you know what all of this means!?  It’s FINALLY SUMMER!  And summer, my friends, is what makes the last 8 months of dark, dank, miserable, cloudy Pacific Northwest weather WORTH IT.  In the summer, Vancouver feels like a whole new city.  The effect would be similar if everyone in the city was given a free ice cream cone and pony ride every day.  People just seem happier.  To be honest, the best part has been bidding farewell to May.  Don’t get me wrong…we’ve had some great times in May…but, overall, it was a not-so-great, sort-of-wish-I-could-erase-it-completely kind of month.

The good news is, June is looking up.  And also, we can look back on this month and see evidence of all kinds of lessons learned about grace, friendship, hope, and the goodness of God.  

But for now…here’s a run-down of some of the FUN things that happened since we last chatted:

Regent Pastor’s Conference:  This annual event happened at my school at the beginning of May.  I didn’t go…but our good friend Beeea Sandera (also known as Becca Sanders…or Becca Bruner) came all the way from Normal, Illinois to attend.   I’m not kidding…it’s seriously called “Normal.”  And it took every fiber of my being to not make endless corny dad-style jokes about it while she was here.  It was so fun to spend time with Beeea in between her conference sessions.  She is a truly loved and respected friend of ours.  Apparently, Beeea thinks we’re pretty great, too.  So…that works out nicely.

Gene and Lorna Visit the ‘Couve!  During the second weekend in May, my wonderful parents flew up from Colorado for their second visit to Vancouver.  As usual, we had a great time hanging out with them, showing them the sights and forcing them to pay for it all.  Thanks, guys!

On Saturday, we enjoyed a delicious breakfast at Sophies Cosmic Cafe.  The menu noted an option to request “Free Run” eggs.  None of us had heard about “Free Run” eggs, so we asked our server if they were similar to “free range” eggs.  She said yes…they are the same…it was just that the owners of the restaurant are Greek, and they sometime make mistakes using English.  Classic.

After breakfast, we enjoyed an afternoon at the Capilano Suspension Bridge…the oldest tourist attraction in Vancouver.  And I have to say…it was pretty durn impressive:

See?  Pretty great.

The next day, we drove down to Anacortes to see Lisa’s parents and take the sailboat out for a spin.  The weather cooperated, and we had a phenomenal day:

My parents make great sailors, as you can see.  

We finished the day with an amazing dinner at Adrift, which…if you’re ever in Anacortes…is absolutely worth your while.  All local ingredients…interesting flavor combinations…comfortable and unusual decor…the works.  The perfect ending to a lovely weekend.

Whistler Weekend Getaway:  The following weekend, our good friends Jeremy and Katy surprised us by inviting us as their guests to the Nita Lake Lodge, a beautiful boutique resort in Whistler, BC.  We’ve known them for years…since the SPU days…but over this past year, they have become tried-and-true friends.  You know…the real good kind.  The weekend was restful and quiet, and put a huge smile on our faces.

Told ya…smiles all around.

The Land of Port:  As if all of that wasn’t enough, Lisa and I hopped on the train the following weekend and headed down to Portland.  We’d been planning this getaway for a while, and loved spending quality time with our friends Amy and Jason Lacey.  They welcomed us into their lovely East Portland home and we enjoyed delicious meals and long conversations about all sorts of great things.  They also showed us some of Portland’s finest spots:

Breakfast at the Pine State Biscuits…home of perhaps the most delicious biscuits and gravy I have ever enjoyed.  

Can you believe that a whole plate of biscuits and gravy PLUS fried green tomatoes was all FAT FREE!?

Me neither.

But MAN it was good.

Then, we worked off our breakfast with a nice long hike through the Multnomah Falls wilderness.  We hiked under a waterfall, enjoyed the sweeping views, and I fell into the river.  It’s a long story, involving a non-existant bridge, an attempt to scale a wall, and walking across a river with my shoes and socks on.  Twice.  

Yeah, so…it was a pretty hard core hike.  I’ve actually been getting a lot of calls from TV producers…they want me to star on a TV show with Bear Grills where we go on really hard core hikes all day and I teach him all my wilderness survival tricks.  So…that will be nice.

In Portland, we also had the privilege of enjoying an afternoon happy hour with Travis and Denee Kroeger at Pambiche.  This was great for three reasons:

1. First of all…I miss Happy Hour.  It doesn’t exist here in Vancouver.  You might be thinking “What?  How can that be?”  I don’t know.  This city is coo-coo.
2. Travis and Denee are the greatest…they are both super silly and so fun to be around, but also capable of just the best conversation.  If we lived in Portland, we’d hang out with them all the time.
3. The restaurant was unreal.  Cuban food…plantain chips, empanadas, sangria…delicious.

So…those were the May highlights.  Man…busy month! 

Now that our springtime galavanting has come to a close, life is starting to slow down a bit.  Last Monday, I started a two-week intensive course at Regent, and my summer jobs have been getting pretty busy.  Life these days consists mostly of reading outside on the patio, going to class every afternoon, lots of late-afternoon walks and dinners at home…nice and calm.  

But seriously…this could be the longest blog post in the world, so I need to stop.  What can I say?  It’s been a long time!  And seriously?  You should be thanking me for sparing you from watching any of this summertime crap TV.

I will run when I cannot walk.

I will play when there is no song.

I will pray when there is no prayer.

I will listen when I cannot hear.

Sitting in the waiting room of silence,

Waiting for that still soft voice I know,

Offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart,

Trusting that this closet’s where you are.

I will fight when I cannot feel.

I will trust when you don’t seem real.

I will tell when I cannot speak.

I will step when I cannot see.

Lord I know, if I change my mind,

You will change my heart in time.

Sovereign Lord, this time’s from you,

So I sit in the waiting room of silence.

Because it’s all about you.

-Shane Barnard

I just saw this on TV.  And I liked it.

Last night, Lisa and I treated ourselves to a real, live date.  We deviated from what has become our normal “date night” (making dinner at home and watching whatever is on TiVo), and actually decided to go out on the town.  

Let’s be honest…Vancouver is one expensive city.  Sometimes, when I leaf through the grocery store discount fliers that come through the mail every few days, it feels more like I’m reading the price list for some swanky gourmet food store.  I mean, I can understand paying $8.99 for cheese that’s been imported from France…but for a plain old 8 oz. block of Tillamook cheddar?  Needless to say, we’ve been pinching our pennies since we moved here…but we decided, nonetheless, to go on a date.  We needed a date.  A real one.  So we grabbed the two-for-one coupon we’ve been saving for the Dockside Restaurant on Granville Island, and headed out!  (I mean, we can’t just throw our budgeting out the window completely, right?)  We indulged in some delicious seafood on a picturesque, sun-drenched patio and enjoyed the view of the city skyline over False Creek.  It was perfect.

After dinner, we strolled over to the Emily Carr University of Art and Design to see our friend Kara, who was exhibiting her Master’s Thesis during their Graduation Exhibition.  Kara’s project was phenomenal.  After a trip to Rwanda, she was inspired to examine how a North American designer like herself could best serve a community whose customs, language, and cultural paradigm are entirely different than her own.  She developed a fascinating, interactive “toolkit” that was sent to a small Rwandan village to capture their day-to-day wants, needs, hopes, and desires, suggesting that the information she collected would provide a democratic design process where the locals could participate in deciding how their needs could be met.  You can read more about her project here.  We can honestly say that, of all the projects we saw, Kara’s was (a) the most impressive in terms of content, and (b) the most visually clean, clear, and interesting.  Good work, Kara!

That’s Kara, on the right.  Grey dress.  She’s all, “hey, hot guy, check out my thesis, and be amazed at how hecka-smart and creative I am…”

After ooohing and aaahing at Kara’s work, Lisa and I decided to have a look at the rest of the exhibit.  Here is a sampling of our dialogue as we took it all in:

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Lisa:  So, this lady did her whole project about the color pink?  And that’s it?

JJ:  I don’t get it.

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JJ:  Hm.  That’s pretty.

Lisa:  Yeah.  Pretty.

JJ:  Hm.

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At one point, we turned a corner and saw this…”piece.”

Lisa walked over to look at the title tag hanging on the wall, hoping for some semblance of a clue that might help us make sense of the art.  It read, “Untitled.”

Thank you.  That’s helpful.

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JJ:  (Pondering a series of paintings that featured various people looking at dart boards) What do you suppose this is?

Lisa:  It’s art.

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I did enjoy this one:

I mean, that’s a LOT of Converse shoes.  Thankfully, this exhibit wasn’t scratch-and-sniff!

GET IT!?  Because they’re SHOES?  SCRATCH AND SNIFF!!!

I kill me.

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At one point, Lisa was a little bit ahead of me.  She walked into the next room, and quickly came back towards me with a big grin on her face.  ”You’re in for a real treat with this next one…”

I walked into the room, which was dark, and saw a large projection on the wall of a VERY pregnant woman who was BUCK NAKED, reading from some kind of book, which covered her upper bits.  Not only was I visually assaualted, but all I could hear her say was “fetishism, fetishism, fetishism…”

Wow.  Thanks for the warning, sweetie.

———-

All in all, I think our evening at the exhibition reminded us that, no matter how well Lisa and I might play the role of young, urban sophisticates, we really are just a couple of mid-western home bodies that would just as soon watch “Extreme Home Makeover” in our sweats on the couch.  We will not soon become world-renowned art critics.  I would also say, placing all of our jokes and art-ignorance aside, the exhibit was very impressive…a great way to spend the evening.

Our evening drew to a close the same way any good date should come to a close.  We watched a beautiful sunset on the beach.

This, I can appreciate.